HOLY FUCKING SHIT!
Due to an unanticipated ATTACK on Hypercube Labs (5/15/22), I have disabled the Hypershop Member Store here on HypercubeGO.com indefinitely. Until it is deemed safe, we cannot re-enter the facility, and I am unable to personally fulfill your orders. I am anticipating having the shop operational by Summer 2023. In the meantime, please consider browsing the MERCHBOT shop, subscribing to our Patreon, and continue listening to TIME FOR THE SHOW every Monday on FreeThinkRadio!
YOU’VE MADE IT! Finally, the search has come to an end!
DESTINY lead you to this, and you are about to embark on FANTASTIC ADVENTURE! Prepare to CONTROL both Space and Time and take hold over the reigns of FORTUNE! Transhuman abilities that enable your SOUL to merge with infernal technologies designed by transcendent omnipresent beings!
Every MONDAY night Hypercube Labs broadcasts it’s weekly live radio mission, Time for the Show! TFTS is Hypercube’s chief and longest-running experiment as the hosts go against the clock to generate enough comedy to refine into the essential deepweb crystals you need for your Journeyman™ training.
Join Doktor Faux and Reverand peas [sic] LIVE on the air at 10 PM Eastern on FREETHINKRADIO.COM
and subscribe to the podcast version with over 120 episodes on timefortheshow.com
CONGRATULATIONS!
NOW FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!
YOU will master techniques to simplify your life!
YOU will overcome any obstacle, becoming an eternal influence to those around you and to anyone that hears your name!
YOU will become a sought-out guru of the elite and beautiful!
YOU will control your own destiny with an amazing foresight that was, until now, practiced by only a select few of the world’s most powerful spiritual leaders!
THIS IS IT! ARE YOU READY?
NO LONGER will you have to succumb to the woes of overpaid executives, inexperienced supervisors and inept colleagues to advance. You will leave behind your regrets from the trivial to the overtly-consequential. This is a chance to not just RESET your life, but an amazing segue to get on a track paved with success and lined with opportunity! See past the limitations of your own potential by utilizing dormant metaphysical powers, incorporating naturally-occurring harmonic frequencies generated by our universe.
Unlike other modern philosphies that require hours or even years of dedicated mediation and personal guidance, Hypercubism is an “out-of-the-box” solution designed to assist you in your endeavors to empower yourself all while doing things you already enjoy! Learn astral-projection while you sleep, develop ESP while playing video games or explore a vast multi-dimensional network from your favorite chair!
Our systems have been specifically engineered by our close network of scientists, engineers, artists and advisors to maximize your potential with the least amount of intrusion into your personal life. You can apply Hypercubism to how you see fit, helping you make the most out of any situation and turning you into an unstoppable machine of influence.
Your friends won’t recognize you, your family may not even believe your incredible transformation. Your employers will cower with your every step while seeking every chance to empower you further. Your enemies will become non-existent, as even the most deadly of foes will seek you out for gracious retribution of the malicious deeds perpetrated against you.
"What is the Hypercube?"
You may be surprised to find that the world is not exactly what you think it is. Humanity itself is an algorithm, perpetuated by a vast multi-dimensional block-chain running an infinite number of parallel simulations of the universe. This is the Hypercube. Each instance of Earth in the chain varies from one to the next, where different outcomes have been achieved by the insertion of specific variables by external forces.
Hypercube Laboratories has determined (through years of exhaustive research) that several variables have brought about a situation that is potentially cataclysmic.
This would be the Rupture Variable Principal. We have evidence to suggest that the world “ended” on July 5, 1998. On this date all true-adherents to the world’s religious philosophies (no matter the size of the congregation) were EVACUATED from this planet, and purportedly have been granted access to alternate realities where they dwell eternally in facsimiles of their perceived after-lives. This was their reward for following the tenents of their beliefs that were implemented in additional variables introduced thousands of years ago. If you were alive on July 5, 1998 and you’re still here then you have FUCKED UP.
Hypercube Labs and it’s participants are not above admitting that we, too, have fucked up. We had just as much of an opportunity to leave this dismal simulation as you did. This is what sets us apart from the world’s major religions and rival cults, we are able to acknowledge our faults and derive new solutions from our experience.
Meanwhile, across the globe, nearly every culture falls prey to a greedy and malevolent system of ideologies that has been so perverted that none of it’s adherents are able to follow the guidelines correctly or apply them to their lives. What is worse is that we fear that we are not the only ones with this information and that leaders of the world’s dominant religious and financial institutions have begun plans to escape this reality, all on the backs (and dimes) of their constituents and parishioners.
Hypercube Labs is also developing a plan to assist mankind on a great EXODUS. However, acquiring the resources for this migration is insuperable. That is why we need you. And in exchange for your commitment to our endeavors, Hypercube Labs will empower you with awesome abilities to make your time on this planet most pleasurable.
Sound to good to be true? READ ON for the BASICS of HYPERCUBISM
It’s EASY to become a Hypercubist! By applying these sacred techniques you can begin your journey into the Hypercube!
Don’t THINK
This is where Hypercubism takes a drastic turn for most. Committing to Don’t Think doesn’t merely mean to clear your mind or to act in an oblivious manner. Thinking will still be common-place for most initiates throughout their efforts to advance. It is important to remove the clouds of perception, notion, bias, instinct and experience. The properly-coordinated Hypercubist is able to feel what they are, should be or will be doing without incoporating any sort of thought about the matter. Eventually, one would be able to accomplish tasks ranging from mundane to perilous while occupying their mind with pleasantries such as daydreaming or even sleeping.
EAT your PARENTS
Unfortunately, due to legal restrictions and certain cultural taboos we are inclined to state to not take this literally. “Eating your parents” is merely an expression to encourage you to do-away with the past, including traditions and expectations placed upon you by society. Hypercubists derive their own sense of purpose and are driven to exercise their free-will. Of course, we always intend for you to not infringe upon the SLACK of others.
Never pay more than $5 for sunglasses
This can be applied to more than just sunglasses. There are very little material needs any seasoned Hypercubist should require. Things that one might need whether trivial or absolutely necessary come to the practitioner, or they come across them. If you find yourself faced with needing something, then it is advised to find the most economical solution as spending frivolously can infringe on your ability to Don’t Think as your mind may become preoccupied with subjects like personal finances. If you feel the need to “splurge”, then try visiting our STORE!
Construct additional Pylons
Hypercube Labs has developed an amazing technology that synchronize nearby sub-aether vibrations to frequencies in-tune with practitioners of Hypercubism that can increase their Journeyman abilities, correct time-space distortions (known as warps) and to gain access to the Hypercube’s galactic network the Rift. These devices, known as Pylons, are essential to our mission and more are needed every day. If you’ve got time to spare, build another pylon!
The Hypercube Journeyman
Once you begin applying our core philosophy to your everyday life, you will see changes around you almost instantaneously. For most, this is enough, as they have that life has never been easier. However, certain initiates may want to discover the other benefits of Hypercubism.
These are the ones that elect Journeyman training. Through the aid of Hypercube Labs’ distinct technology, Journeymen posses abilities that can transcend the limitations on our reality. One of the more popular skills is that of Rift-Surfing, where the curtain of time and space is able to be separated and the user is able to view the possible outcomes of their coveted DECISIONS and which can aid in applying Don’t Think to all aspects of life. Anxiety melts away as the Hypercubist walks along the path of least resistance and constantly inherits the treasures that lie ahead.
Other techniques such as Dreamscaping, Chronokineses, Clairolfactance and others are available in lesson plans provided by Hypercube Laboratory.
NOW IS THE TIME!
It has never been this easy! You can start applying Hypercubism today and start reaping the benefits, and our Journeyman courses can help you on your quest to possess super-human abilities and psychic power!
But you can’t expect to make the most of it without committing to humanity’s last chance! That’s why we urge YOU to become a member of our prestigious organization! For an incredibly low one-time fee, you can join our ranks and become an official member of the Hypercube Institute! You will receive a copy of our CUBESPEAK manual, a set of reality augmentation stabilizing decals, a membership card, access to our online repository and a distinct feeling of superiority over your peers! DO NOT MISS THIS CHANCE! Members are also granted access to Hypercube events, as well as our CONFIDENTIAL DATABASE detailing our efforts to ESCAPE THIS SIMULATION!